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Check our "Scriptural Poetry" Page at http://www.truthontheweb.org/SP.htm
Abraham wanted to upgrade his old .386 PC to Windows XP.
His son Isaac, was horrified, and exclaimed: "Pop, you can't run Windows XP on your ancient 386. Everyone knows you need a Pentium III processor and 128 megabytes (MB) of RAM for that! What are you thinking???
But Abraham, a man of faith, gazed calmly at Isaac and said, "Do not worry, my son, God will provide the RAM."
Coffee Out Of Context
Joke: One day a husband and wife were discussing whose job it was to get up first and fix the morning coffee. The husband said, "The scriptures say it's the wife's responsibility". The wife disagreed and said, "I can show you in the Bible where it definitely says it's your responsibility." The husband replied, "If you can show me that in the Bible, I'll be glad to do it." She opened up the Bible and pointed down, he looked and clearly read "He-brews". -author unknown submitted by W. Houchens
The television set has been called the Devil's Window and most of its programming, nearly all, is not for true Christians. The following "Psalm" can be veiwed as humorous...but it is undoubtedly true. May it lead us to understand that we all need to avoid that "medium" and open our bibles.
THE 23RD CHANNEL (instead of the 23rd Psalm)
The TV is my shepherd, I shall want.
It makes me lie down on the sofa.
It leads me away from the Scriptures.
It destroys my soul.
It leads me in the path of sex and violence,
for the sponsor's sake.
Yea, though I walk in the shadow of my
there will be no interruption,
For the TV is with me.
It's cable and remote, they control me.
It prepares a commercial before me in
the presence of worldliness;
It anoints my head with Humanism,
My coveting runneth over.
Surely laziness and ignorance shall
Follow me all days of my life:
And I shall dwell in the house
Watching TV forever.
God Works in Mysterious Ways
A poor Christian man was in the streets offering to work doing odd jobs for food for his family; or in lieu of work, asking for any spare change that those passing by could spare.
Some neighborhood kids rode their bikes by him, jingling the coins in their pockets at him saying "Want some change? We betcha do! -Well you can't have ours! Ha Ha!". They were cruel, as sometimes children can be. They ridiculed the poor man even to the point of following him home while chanting " poor little Christian-just a slob, ain't got no money, ain't got no job!" The man smiled at the boys and went into his humble little house.
He knelt down and began praying to God, offering thanks to God for all he had, especially his family. He continued in prayer aloud asking for some bread for which to feed his family. The neighborhood kids were outside his window had heard his prayer and snickered at the poor fool thinking he would get bread from God.
Wanting to make further sport of the goodly man they ran to the supermarket and bought a loaf of bread with the money they had in their pockets. They quietly crept to the poor man's window and heard the man finishing his prayer with outstretched arms. They tossed the loaf through the window directly into the man's arms. The children burst out laughing and rode away proud of the nasty trick they played on the man. The man, surrounded by his family, looked up to say "Thank you God for hearing my prayer and answering so quickly".
Church Bulletin Bloopers:
Let us tell you of some peoples Favorite Hymns:
The Dentist's Hymn:..........Crown Him With Many Crowns
Now, for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns for you:
Their tower's impressive statistics
pleased architects, masons, and mystics
But their excessive pride
Caused the Lord to decide
It was time that they studied linguistics.
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